If You’re Not Changing it, You Are Choosing it
The Uncomfortable Truth
A simple, yet unsettling, truth about our lives: if you’re not actively changing a situation, you are, by default, choosing to keep it exactly as it is. This has nothing to do with judgment or blame, it’s about a powerful shift in perspective that opens immense personal agency. It invites us to examine the areas where we feel stuck, frustrated, or simply disengaged, and recognize the implicit choice we are making in maintaining the status quo.
We all encounter moments of dissatisfaction. Perhaps it’s a recurring pattern in relationships, a stagnant career path, a nagging health concern, or a feeling of unfulfillment that simply does not go away. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing these circumstances are happening to us, instead of acknowledging how we contribute to their continuation.
The moment you say, “I wish things were different,” you’re standing at a crossroads. One path leads to continued wishing, hoping, and perhaps even complaining, while the other invites you to step into your power and make a different choice.
The Illusion of No Choice
Many times, the greatest barrier to change isn’t external obstacles, but an internal story in our minds that convinces us that we have no options. We might say:
· “I can’t leave this job, I need the money.”
· “My partner will never change, so what’s the point?”
· “I’ve always been like this, it’s just who I am.”
· “The market is too tough right now.”
Statements like the above, while rational, are often rooted in fear, comfort, or a deep-seated belief that we lack control. The reality is that even not deciding is a decision. Remaining stagnant is a choice. Tolerating what you don’t want is an active endorsement of it.
Embracing Radical Responsibility
Understanding “if you’re not changing it, you are choosing it” is an invitation to radical responsibility. It is not about self-blame when things aren’t ideal but about empowering yourself to recognize your capacity to influence your circumstances. It encourages you to move from a reactive stance (“This is happening to me”) to a proactive one (“What will I do about this?”).
This shift isn’t always comfortable. It requires an honest look at where you might be making excuses, procrastinating, or simply avoiding the discomfort that comes with confronting difficult truths. It asks you to consider: What are you actually gaining by maintaining this situation? More often this is a sense of perceived safety, predictability, or avoidance of the unknown.
The Power of Conscious Choice
When you consciously choose something, even if it’s to remain in a challenging situation, you reclaim your power. For instance, you might choose to stay in a demanding job for a period, not because you’re trapped, but because you’ve strategically decided to save a certain amount of money, gain a specific skill, or build a particular network. In this scenario, you are not a victim of your job, you are leveraging it with intention. This shift from “I have to” to “I choose to” changes everything. It reframes perceived limitations into deliberate strategies.
How to Start Choosing Differently:
1. Identify the “Unchanged Choices”: Where in your life are you consistently feeling dissatisfaction or wishing for something different, but not taking action? Be specific.
· Example: “I complain about not having enough free time.”
2. Unpack the “Why”: What are the underlying fears, beliefs, or perceived obstacles preventing you from initiating change?
· Example: “I believe I can’t say no to requests, and I’m afraid of disappointing people.”
3. Explore the Cost of Inaction: What is the actual price you’re paying for not changing this situation? Consider the emotional, mental, physical, and even financial toll.
· Example: “I feel constantly overwhelmed and resentful, and my relationships are suffering because I’m always tired and irritable.”
4. Identify Your True Choices: What are your options, even the ones that seem small or difficult? Brainstorm widely, without judgment.
· Example: “I could start saying no to one new request per week. I could block out an hour of ‘me time’ in my calendar. I could delegate one task.”
5. Embrace the Process (and the Discomfort): Change is rarely linear or easy. There will be moments of doubt, setbacks, and discomfort. Recognize these as part of the process, not signs to retreat. Stay committed to conscious choices.
This simple but powerful statement, “If you’re not changing it, you are choosing it,” is a catalyst for transformation. It moves you from the passenger seat to the driver’s seat of your own life. It challenges you to stop waiting for external circumstances to shift and instead empowers you in becoming the designer of your own reality. The power to choose differently has always been within you. The question is, are you ready to make that change?